Traffic Jammed

I have been searching for the healing promised by the atonement. It seems so slow to ever come, I struggle to wait upon the Lord's time. I believe in Christ and I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who does not take joy in watching His children suffer. While I am gaining understanding of the purpose of grief, that "it is better to pass through sorrow, that we may know good from evil."  I'm trying to recognize the good that has come from this experience, to see past myself. To not let this time become a great evil in my life.

At the memorials and at church we had such special opportunity to bear witness of the Savior, of eternal life, of family, and the importance of living worthy. 

Some have already expressed how touched they were by our example, One of Nate's siblings has made some significantly different decisions because of a desire to be with Destiny again someday. Others we can only hope were so moved.

 Nate had a chance to talk with members of his family in a more sensitive way than is usual. 

Again, we can only hope for now that some lasting impact was made.  

We had come to a place just before Destiny's birth, things seemed stable,  we loved our home, our friends, we were mostly content to stay there indefinitely. 

Now, though we struggle with indecision , I am so grateful that Nate has left his previous employment which had become a sore trial in some ways. While he still struggles with grief and depression, at least we no longer add to that the pressures he faced at the boarding school. Add to the move that we have family close by now, who have been especially helpful in caring for the boys and helping us get out of the house and out of our rut. We have had opportunity to serve in our new area in ways we otherwise may not have had. And that service is a tremendous blessing in helping me to see past my own pain, to forget my own troubles by lightening the troubles of another. And as I have given of my time I have renewed gratitude for those who reached out to us, in even the smallest of ways. I feel I will never feel closer, no one will know me so well, as those that have been close to me during this experience.

Nate and I have a new outlook at this time. Do we still feel so passionate about things that we thought mattered, or maybe even more passionate? Are there new things that we previously has no passion for at all? 

We have prayed often for direction from The Lord and in the past it seemed the Lords timing for us was faster than most people thought appropriate. But of late it seems The Lord is waiting, asking us to choose for ourselves because He can make use of us no matter where we go. It is difficult to perceive, that it is not as if The Lord has distanced himself from us by not giving further direction. Like the Brother of Jarod, we know The Lord can do anything, but we are almost hesitant to ask too much for fear of our request being out of line with His will.

We miss Destiny still every day and it is hard to feel as if the world moves past us unaware that she even lived. Hard to find our place in the traffic and move forward like we did before. Like driving a new used car, some things are better and some things just take some getting used to. The torque makes it difficult to merge smoothly and the drivers we share this road of life with seem to sense the dent in our bumper and respond with apprehension. Somehow, eventually things meld again, the Lord wiil make our path clear and we will find we have things in common as together we travel to our Destiny.