Announcement

On November 16th Nate and I met his family at the China Buffet Restaurant in Orem Utah with much anticipation...  I had already told my parents since inviting them to the dinner would be too much of a give away...

We wanted everyone to be at the table so we waited until everyone had gotten food and sat down. We were part way through the meal and the noise had died down, when I tapped Nate's knee and suggested it was time to make the announcement. His mother was suddenly all ears. "Announcement?" she asked.

Nate asked for everyone's attention and said "Lynn and I are engaged. We're going to get married."
The table erupted with happiness.
Everyone tried to talk at once. Adri asked if we had date set. We said we wanted to plan with everyone to figure out a time that would work. Adri asked if there was a ring since she didn't see one on my finger. I explained that I didn't need one. She offered to let me try on a ring that had been in the family. I thought it would be impolite to just turn her down, but I was REALLY surprised by her offer. We had expected their reaction to be so reserved since it meant Nate would NOT be going on a mission, but they never brought it up that evening. The girls wanted to know if they would get dresses for the wedding, what the colors would be, the boys didn't want to have to do anything but eat cake.

So, after dinner was over, we went to their house and I tried on the ring. I liked it because it was simple, no stones, just a white gold (I actually don't like yellow gold, so this was even better) band with light engravings that almost looked like feathers all the way around. It fit perfect. Adri was surprised and told me that it had been tried on a girl that Ben had proposed to but it had been too small.
"It must be meant to happen." She said.

Engagement.

On a Sunday morning I made my usual morning call to Nate to see how he was doing. He said he wasn't feeling great and needed to go for a walk to have time to think. I was a little worried and asked him to call me as soon as he got back.
Later on he called me. He explained that he was supposed to meet with his stake president that day about his mission papers. He was nervous and was trying to get calmed down. While out on his walk he came across of friend of his that he hadn't seen for some time. His friend was serving a service mission and told him about what it was like. When the friend asked Nate what was going on in his life Nate said he didn't really know what to tell him.  I knew he had been working on his writing, had dropped out of his school classes because he found he wasn't enjoying them at all, and we had been dating. I hadn't even realized Nate had begun working on his mission papers.
"Are you afraid of something?" I asked.
"I'm afraid I might not go on a mission." Nate explained.
"Do you know what you might do instead?" I asked. I knew that Nate had had some struggles that made it difficult to achieve the high standards set for missionaries. My understanding was that "Every WORTHY and ABLE young man should serve a mission. But if they didn't go, they were not condemned. I was a little frustrated about his concern if he didn't go. I didn't have great respect for his parents who seemed to act like if Nate didn't live up to their expectations, they would not love him.
"Well, you and I have talked about getting married." He said.
"We have. Did you tell your friend about that?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Well... I guess it makes me feel like less of a man."
It was absurd how much this upset me, but in my mind I wanted to shout at him.
YOU ARE NOT LESS OF A MAN FOR MARRYING ME!
I hung up on him instead. I didn't want to be angry with him, some part of me understood some of what he must be going through, but I didn't feel like I could talk to him.

I turned off my phone and went to church... I kept think about the conversation and feeling worked up. I wanted to encourage him but I wasn't sure how to. Should I tell him what to do, based on what? I knew my feelings for him, I knew he wanted to go on a mission, but might not be able.
I couldn't tolerate leaving my phone off any longer incase he was trying to reach me. I turned it on and sure enough he had texted me.
He was upset that I had hung up on him and asked that I please not do that again.
I apologized and then explained everything I had been feeling.
He said he understood and we'd talk more later.
About an hour later he texted again, inviting me to meet him at the park as soon as I could, that he was now there and would wait for me.
I had ridden to church with my roommate because the weather had been cold and wet. I explained to her what was going on and she willingly drove me to get some warmer clothes and drop me off at the park.

When I arrived Nate was waiting, like a prince in his castle, at the top of the jungle gym. He slid down to meet me and as he walked my way he asked that I please be willing to listen to everything he needed to say before I say anything. I smiled and said ok.

He walked me over to the swing set where he had parked his bike. He reached into his back pack and pulled out some papers. We sat in the swings and he asked me to read the pages out loud to him. I was a little confused at first but then say his words on the page. It was poetry he had written for me. There were three pages! As I read through it I thought to myself that this was a pretty nice way to make up for upsetting me that morning... Then I got to the last page. The last line poem was called "Will you marry me?"

I thought, "Oh, here we go again, asking the question without being on one knee."
The last line of the poem was the question again and after I read the last line aloud I looked up and realized he was in front of me on one knee.

"Will you?" My heart started pounding. THIS WAS IT! The actual proposal I had been waiting for!
He looked at me hopefully and I finally put into words the answer I had been practicing. It was cheesy... "No," I watched as he head fell in disappointment, I could tell he was thinking that he must have really fouled things up for me to be saying no, but I wasn't finished... "I won't just marry you but I will take you to the temple to be sealed to you for time and eternity, as your wife and best friend, to be the mother of you children." There had been more but in the moment I was too overcome with emotion to remember it all...
As I had continued my answer his head had gradually come back up and he looked at me questioningly, "That's a yes, isn't it?" He asked.
I smiled, "Yes."

We hugged for a long moment, filled with relief. I kept waiting for him to move in for a kiss, this was after all the time we had agreed on being acceptable to kiss. I had kissed a few guys before but I knew he had never kissed a girl. There had been so many times I had wanted to kiss him and now I could...
He grabbed my hand and asked if we could get out of the cold. He was shivering and his hands were numb. We started walking back toward my apartment and we talked as we walked. Nate explained that he had gone in for the interview with the Stake President and explained what he was feeling. The Stake President had been supportive of whatever Nate had felt was right. Nate felt like he wasn't ready for a mission.

I asked him about telling his family and suggested we announce the engagement at the family dinner they would have for his birthday at the chinese buffet, that way at least if they wanted to freak out, they would have to wait till they weren't in public.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore... I turned and said "Can I kiss you now?"
He paused, surprised, "OH! I guess we can do that now! Um... Sure..."
He bent toward me and I stood on the balls of my feet.
And we kissed, there on the side walk across from the park, for the first time after dating for a full year and half.
I asked him how it felt, his FIRST kiss... "Wet." he said, with a huge grin that said he kinda liked it anyway.