Apartment hunting...

With the engagement officially announced and Nate's apartment contract running out I thought for sure that it was now time to find an apartment for Nate that I could move into after the wedding.

We had discussed a budget that would work for the both of us and I found some fantastic listings and invited Nate to see them with me. We fell in love with a few, a few got taken up before we could make a move but when it came right down to making a decision, Nate's parents had to give their advice...

Now, I don't condemn them for being concerned for the well being of their son. BUT... He was 21 now. I was 20. In the year and half that we had been dating they had seen us cuddling on the couch plenty and I think they thought that maybe something had happened between me and Nate that was the reason for getting married and Nate not going on a mission. But they never asked. Fact is, we hadn't even kissed before the engagement! We were hardly ever really alone, we both had roommates with no tolerance for overnighters, we both had nosey family members at home, and we usually went on dates in very public places, we had talked about a boundary and stuck to it! The likely-hood of ANYTHING happening was very, VERY small...
But they voiced to Nate their concern... If he had the new apartment and I was going to be spending time there, something might happen...

For any future newly weds out there I want to explain a few things...
1. Once you are married you are going to need your own place. YOU DO NOT want to come back from your honey moon and still be in your parents house, especially if they aren't happy about the marriage from the start...
2. If anything WAS going to happen before marriage, you would NOT need an apartment... All you need is a car or a hotel room.
3. You are adults, your parents are no longer your decision makers. Decide between yourselves and God and ask your parents to mind their own business if they don't like it.

Because of the concerns of his parents Nate would not decide on an apartment. His contract at the men's apartment ran up and with no place else arranged, he moved back into his parents house. I was very upset. Nate's parents were no good at supporting him emotionally in his desire to be a writer, or in have a home free of temptations, and I knew this would effect his ability to cope with addictions.

Sure enough, things went downhill. I came over to find out all the things Nate's parents would say to discourage him from getting married, for example, that we must have prayed in places where the right spirit could not direct us in our decisions.. Nate was struggling with addictions again and he looked like death. His countenance was so pale I was scared he was having thoughts of suicide. But I also didn't want to give him any ideas, so I didn't say anything...

This had to change. FAST.

I went home to my mother to talk things out and see if she had an idea I could use...
I was worried that if I suggested a civil marriage that my mom would freak out so I was surprised when she brought it up first.

A civil marriage was NOT my first choice. However, under the circumstances, it made sense. Once we were married there would be no reason to hesitate on getting an apartment, getting Nate out of his parents house. After a year of civil marriage we could still go to the temple to be sealed.

I found an ensign article that I felt supported my argument, called Nate and asked him to meet me at the church institute building. I figured if we prayed there, the wrong spirit could not influence our decision.

We talked and we prayed and we decided. A civil marriage was the best decision we could make at that time.
We went to Nate's mom and she argued against it. There was no helping her see.
I went home feeling frustrated. She would not respect Nate's personal revelation as an adult who could make his own choices and Nate didn't want to disrespect her as his mother.

My First Nativity

One of my favorite things about Christmas is the reminders of the whole holy reason for the season!
When I was first getting ready to move out space was an issue.
A christmas tree was not really an option. So I picked out this tiny little ceramic nativity set.