Mothering.
Mothering is SO much of my life right now. And often not even just my own two beautiful boys. I have other people who I feel I am often mothering in various ways. And there are a few people I can think of that seem to need some serious mothering.
I know I am not perfect... I know I could do better, so just as a warning please don't think I feel perfect and wish to condemn everyone else.
Mothering is a full time job.
No, scratch that.
Mothering is a LIFE time job. It doesn't stop because you need sleep, it doesn't stop because you need to eat. If you think mothering is easy, I think you might not be doing it right... It isn't just about having children and letting other people raise them. Even just the 'having them' part isn't easy for many women, myself included. And incase you are wondering, those single mom's get a break and can pretty much ignore my accusing eye. I, personally, think I would die inside, I can't imagine not having my husband around to help provide for us and help raise too such energetic children... I certainly pray it never comes to that for me. I have been so consumed lately, potty training, cooking, laundry, filing papers, filling out forms, organizing, changing diapers, shopping, cleaning, disciplining, dealing with illnesses, and then doing it all over again everyday, there's hardly time for anything else, so that for me to imagine having a job outside the home on top of all that, I would just have to become a zombie and never get any sleep. With my husband around all of that is still a challenge and fitting in more from time to time seems nearly impossible
Back in the day... When pioneers roamed these lands. There were families that lived on farms in the middle of nowhere. They had a one room shack with 7 children and their nearest neighbor was an hour away. They had enough to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over their heads. No electricity, no indoor plumbing, no entertainment except each other. And... they were happy.
Today, many people believe they can't be happy until everyone has their own room, their own tv, their own game system. We fill big houses with lots of stuff and grumpy people. And then, there is the expectation that many children learn from growing up never experiencing the utter lack of money to go do fun things whenever they want. I see many parents taking their children out to do expensive things and the children seem to have no idea how much work goes on before that event becomes possible. I'm not saying money is bad. But sometimes people do bad things with it. I have witnessed some people around me who grew up going to do lots of fun things fairly often. They're parents were blessed to be able to show them great things. But now trying to live on their own, life seems dull and often unexciting because they just don't have the money to live the way they did with their parents. The expectation of having to work so hard for a paycheck becomes so overwhelming that they feel life is bitterly unfair and it takes a great deal of learning for them to grow into a job. They see their parents as spoiled and their parents don't understand why the children don't achieve the same level of wealth. Those parents forget, they were born into it too.
I firmly believe that women should be at home with their children. I do NOT agree with the stance that it isn't possible to financially afford to stay at home... I believe it IS a matter of perspective. What's more important? Sure, paying off debt is worth while. But, that opportunity to pay off your debts will still be available when your children have grown up and moved out.
Sure, having varied experiences for your children can be healthy, but not at the expense of having close relationships.
For example... My wonderful husband has a job. It isn't great paying, it's just barely more than minimum wage. I have chosen to be determined to stay at home with my children. I am a firm believer in being a work at home mom! I would love to be a support right now to one of those single mothers that has no choice but to go to work, by caring for their children at a huge discount. I do not however believe that work at home should mean your children aren't there with you. I wish to emphasize that being home WITH your children means that you are aware of what is going on in their lives, that you are interacting with them and being an example they can relate to.
Some people are going to suspect I'm talking about them even if I don't name names but here it is. Working outside the home, sending your children away for other people to raise, should only happen if you can not afford to provide a safe home, food on the table and a primary education.
My dream is to have a 4 bedroom house. A master suite, a boys room, a girls room, a guest suite/office and storage. I want to be in the middle of 100 acres and have it all on septic, well and solar/wind powered.
Of course, that's more house than those pioneers had, call me spoiled, I know it's true. But it still isn't one room for every child and we'll only have one tv. If the kids need space, I'll tell them there are 100 acres outside and they can built forts to their hearts content. Maybe boredom will get replaced by creativity.
Mothering is also the most rewarding job in the world. When those sweet innocent faces light up as Mom walks into the room, when they cry because Mom leaves the room. Some people get those responses out of animals and think it's great, but it isn't the same. When they reach for your hand because they think you can save them, when a kiss makes everything better, when bath time means Mom gets wet and the child runs like a streaker.... Sigh... When they look at you and repeat everything you just told them and you realize... they were listening? Words are never enough. The pride, the joy, the heart.
I ache for those people who don't know yet what I'm talking about and I rejoice for those who do know. I pray for those who have not found the way to stay home and strongly encourage you to keep trying. Eliminate every possible unneedful thing. If you think you can't live without it, think again. We're down to no car, no eating out, no movies at the theater, no babysitters, no new clothes, no cable tv and looking to eliminate more... We have food, water, a place to live with no room to spare, and lots of library books to read. And we're surprisingly alive and happy. Sometimes somethings would be really nice to have again. But it isn't worth it if it means I have to leave my children.
For those of you who are wondering... No we don't intend to live exactly like we are now forever. Nate intends to get a better paying job, and I intend to work from home. But we are willing to sacrifice to make it happen.
