When I was 11 years old, going on 12, I was still the baby of the family. And everyone in my family will tell you I acted like it. Tantrems were irregular but they still happened. All of my older siblings had moved out about this time... God had some great plot to put them all together, about 1.5-2 years apart from each other, a big 8 year gap, and then I come along.
Mom says when I was really little it was great. I barely had to squawk and my needs OR wants were met. The older kids helped out while she finished school (she had only just decided to go back to school before she found out I was on the way). I was always going somewhere, doing something with them, until one by one, they left home.
Now, I was alone and bored without anyone to entertain me...
So of course the next logical thing is to ask to adopt a brother or sister... And Mom and Dad liked the idea! Of course, I don't think any of us knew what we were getting into.
When we first met Heather, she was a cute looking kid and she charmed my parents almost immediately. Heather had been placed in a children's home in central Florida after a sad history. She was born to a negligent mother, abused by multiple men and finally abandoned when she was 4 years old. That's not the end. She was placed in foster care and was ultimately rejected by 6 families before going to live at the children's home (which is a nice term for orphanage.) The Children's home was nice on sight, any kids dream! They had little houses set up around a HUGE playground, a cafeteria will all the sugar to make one sick, and there seemed to be a circus there EVERY weekend! We learned later that many of the hired staff were careless in their own ways, watching R rated movies with the kids, among other things.
So, I was 12, Heather was 9. We were 3 years apart. And at first I was jealous. She seemed to have the life and now my parents were paying attention to her... But that changed. Heather started to do things. Snatching stuff from me, hitting, things that siblings do of course, but she was SO good at doing it when Mom and Dad weren't looking. So, when I told them what she was doing, they thought I was still being a spoiled "baby-of-the-family."
This continued for many months. There were still good times, Heather and I could play together and have a good time. The state had a general rule though that after you have gotten to know a child for 6 months it's time to make a decision. Adopt or move on. For 6 months my parent had seen Heather be an angel. I had seen her other side. When Mom approached me about adopting Heather I said I just wanted my room to be MY room and she was not allowed in without permission. Mom still seemed to think this had to do with selfishness but she consented.
Adoption day came and we all stood before a Judge. The Judge asked each of us individually if we wanted to go through with the adoption, including me. "What if I said no?" I asked. "Then we will talk a little more to see if this really is the right thing" He answered. At the time I was surprised that my opinion might matter enough to call the whole thing off... I hesitated to answer. Could I say "no." Could I deny Heather the chance to have a family, a home? What about me?
"Do you think your parents will keep you safe?"
How did he know to ask that? Would they? I know my parents loved me, and that if it went that far...
"Yes, they will" I said, with more confidence than I really felt.
I felt like someone had brought it to their attention that they would need to keep me safe, someone besides me that knew Heather had another side.
And after a few signatures, it was official.
And the "HONEYMOON" was over.
My parents took us out to celebrate at Dairy Queen as a surprise. This was a huge treat to me, we hardly EVER did that! The only reason my parents COULD take us there is because Mom had clipped some GREAT coupons. We arrived and Mom asked Heather what she would want... Heather looked out the window and pointed across the street. "I want pizza." My chin dropped!
"I'm sorry, but we're not having pizza. I have coupons for Ice Cream. What would you like?"
Heather raised her chin and glared. "I WANT PIZZA"
Mom was baffled. Since Heather wasn't going to choose something, she decided to make the order without heather. We sat in a booth next to the window and while the rest of us ate our ice cream Heather stared out the window at the pizza place.
My parents now saw what I did. That night the back talk started, the next day Heather started yelling. Dad had to pick her up and take her to her room because she wouldn't do as she was told. And it got worse. She threaten to kill the puppies, she threatened to kill my horse, she threatened to kill me, she threatened to kill Dad.
Mom and Dad sought help. But nothing seemed to have any affect. 2 and a half years went by. Heather threatened the foster children that had come to live with us after the adoption and the foster children had to be removed. For Mom and Dad that really hurt and Mom spent nights sleeping in the hall to make sure Heather didn't try to sneak out. Finally my parents came across some information that sounded hopeful. A treatment was being offers for kids that sounded like everything we had experienced with Heather. It was called Holding Therapy, and there were two places that did it. One in Colorado, one in Utah. We didn't know anyone in Colorado, but we had family in Utah. My parents decided it would be worth it to move across the country to get help for Heather.
There were a few things I didn't really care about... Like, I didn't really have great friends, so I wasn't going to miss them. I didn't go to public school, I hated it anyway. We lived in a double wide trailer and my parents told me in Utah we would live in a two story house. That excited me. But when I found out that we would not be able to take my horse, my tune changed. Horses were my life, instead of school I went to work at near by horse farms... I was sure Utah had horse farms, but I wanted my horse...
And so it was... The U-hauls were loaded and I said goodbye to Joey, to move across the country.
And that isn't the end....
