My Jolly Boy

Sorry, I have been focused on other things around our house... Wanting to have things arranged comfortably before new baby arrives. Nesting starts so early for me, and things will never be perfect, I know, but I'll try to get as close as I can... 

That said, I haven't been working on my blog so much lately and hardly updated anyone on our decision regarding J. 

Wow, there is an incredible surge of emotion for me as I write this... My love for my family... My hope that any of you can possibly understand what it's like... It's overwhelming...

Nate and I prayed and talked long and in depth about the possibilities and what would be best for J. I agreed at first to the preschool because I got scared about my own ability to be consistent and knowledgable enough to give J what he really needed... My concern that if I could not later prove myself to the state, they would go so far as to take my son from me and force me to send him to public school anyway... As time got closer however to J actually taking his first day at the preschool I started getting more and more knots in my gut. I tried to shake it off, tried to tell myself it was just a "first time parent taking their kid to school" kind of thing...

Because of experiences in my past, I recognize my own tendency to be super protective. I've talked with a therapist about my fears, my desire to keep my kids safe from some of the things I've gone through. I know I can't protect them from EVERYTHING, I know I want them to experience LIFE in all of it's wonder and beauty. But there are some things I know I will protect them from that others may not be so aware of because of my experiences...

Some of these stories are detailed in earlier posts, which you may have read already or can go back look at some time... I've been called stupid by a teacher, I've been bullied by other students, slugged in the gut, mooned on the play ground, pulled by my hair across the ground... I've been taught things at an early age that shouldn't have been learned till later in life, the over-sexualization of the children around me leading into conversations that should have been had with adults. Sure, at some point, we are all going to experience bullies and people who do inappropriate things, but there should be someone we can rely on. I had amazing parents that were ever present in my life, and listened when I told them things were wrong, saved me from bad situations when they could, but they didn't catch everything, some things I didn't know how to tell them about, and that's what I want to save my children from.

When I was about five years old I was molested by our neighbor. He was just a boy himself, I can only imagine he had been taken advantage of, and just repeating what had been done to him... He wasn't mean, he didn't force me, he asked me to do stuff and I didn't know it was wrong... Physically it didn't feel bad... I only started to realize something was wrong when an adult came around and suddenly things were supposed to be secret. But by then it was too late for me to stop feeling what had been started.

Today, we can read in the news about daycare providers, teachers, other care takers to whom we trust our most precious treasures, our children... The government does screenings, tries to protect the children, some places even have security cameras, but that doesn't prevent the person whose never been an abuser or been caught before and knows how to be sneaky, discovering some hole in security... They cause physical and emotional harm until they get caught, and by then you may not know how many they have affected...

My therapist says there is nothing wrong with expecting to be allowed in my child's class room anytime I want. So, I talked to the preschool teacher about my concerns, and while this teacher was obviously trying her best to comfort me, to assure me that I could observe the class room as much as I wanted, the government doesn't know I'm not a pervert, and while I'm willing to submit to a background check, the schools aren't willing to have ALL the parents so involved in their children's education. Beside having to figure out some form of transportation for me to go with J, I couldn't take Sweet P with me, which would mean I would have to trust that whoever I left Sweet P with was not a pervert or around a pervert, while I try to protect J from encountering a pervert...

I can't give one child the protection and not the other...


As mother of my children, I feel it is my calling to protect and rear them to the best of my ability and sacrifice whatever I can live without to give them the best. If it comes down to a choice between a little inconsistency and perhaps slightly slower development for J because of me, versus having him put at risk of running into some pervert that could cause much greater, lasting harm that would endanger J's development even more... I choose the first option. My therapist says "At least you will know that IF anything ever happens, it wasn't because you didn't try your absolute best to protect them."

So, we will be homeschooling J. I'm still afraid of my own lack in ability to provide ALL that he needs, and can only pray that I will have the support I need. But I feel peaceful in the knowledge that I will be with both of my children and they will be safe.

Eventually J will be old enough and when he can comprehend the danger I will teach him how to protect himself, but for now, I am his guardian. Don't mess with me. 

The New Diet

My posts about developments with J have stirred a bit of excitement. People seem to be coming away with various ideas and so to try to answer some questions here's what I have so far...

J has NOT been diagnosed with autism, nor am I saying he is autistic.
Some of his behaviors are very similar.

He may yet receive that diagnosis from someone else, but I will only play along if it means we get access to help we agree would b good for J.

I do NOT believe J will need to live with this the rest of his life, as long as we change a lot of things RIGHT NOW.

Dietary changes include and are not limited to: eliminating foods that have been processed, having hormones added/altered, genetically modified foods, pesticides, artificial dyes... ANYTHING FAKE, not natural, will be taken out.

We are going to get a toaster over to replace our microwave, but still refrain from too many over cooked foods.

Water: we are going to try to find a natural form of getting clean water to all the taps in our house. If any one knows of a water filter that will get our city water clean, naturally, references are welcome.

We are going to ditch all the chemical cleaners in our house and find recipes/stock up on ingredients for natural cleaning products. If you have a recipe you know works, please share! I know I have seen a lot, but don't want to try them all, if you already know what works.

We are going to seek out the possibility of physical and mental exercises that will promote development alongside the dietary changes, such as a horse riding therapy that Lynn has worked with before and seen amazing results. Because this therapy is not government funded, it may be something we will need to invest in through unique means.

We will be working as well with teachers/pathologist on special learning/teaching methods to get J caught up where he seems to be lagging... But we will not be relying on them if they are not willing to have us present at all times.

Any suggestion of prescription medicine will be declined and though we are willing to do some testing, any testing that subjects J to more radiation or other harm, will also be declined.

J's development

Today we went in for testing but before I went in I received an interesting phone call...
My mother lives in Mountain Home, Idaho and I had called her last night in distress about what the doctor had said and about how the testing today would go. She has a friend there, who I have met and who has a special device for testing, which I personally believe to be very accurate. I have seen this device in action for myself and it is very simple in appearance but has never, to my knowledge, given a wrong answer. I would try to explain the science for those of you who need those kind of facts to be able to believe, but I honestly don't hold those details in my brain for very long and once I know something works, that's all I need.

Based on her testing she explained that, yes, the tendencies that J has been showing are typically labeled autistic. The causes for his autistic symptoms were a combination of things...

I'm going to time-skip back...
When J was 2 yrs. old we discovered he has an allergy to wheat. No, not a gluten intolerance (please don't talk to me about that because I already know!). We discovered it because for three days in a row his body would reject what we were feeding him. He wasn't keeping anything down and at first I thought maybe he had caught some sort of bug. But he didn't have a fever or show any lethargy usually associated with being sick. I called our mother's friend, who does this special testing, to find out what was wrong. She said to stop giving him wheat and he would recover. We had been giving him a lot of bread around this time so it was a pretty difficult change. But we changed his diet, and it worked. He kept his food down and we cleared out everything from our house that we thought could make him sick like that again.

A short time later I noticed that he was still getting sick fairly often, that it wasn't normal. We called our testing friend and she identified another allergy: Rice. Not just any rice, white rice and basmati rice. He can still have brown rice or jasmine rice. We started going through all the labels that we had looked through before but instead of looking for wheat ingredients, we looked for rice. Like I said, it wasn't a gluten problem, but we ended up shopping in a lot of the "gluten free" areas to get a variety and now we discovered that a LOT of these items had rice.

And the discovery continues... We have still gone to the store and bought things unsuspecting, only to discover later, the reason they were cheaper or on sale is because they were packed with fillers like wheat or rice. Meat patties, french fries, various candies, the list goes on, and for someone who hasn't had to live like us, you'd be surprised.

Time skip back to now... Our testing friend says that immunizations and modified foods (which is part of the reason for J's reaction to wheat or rice) are THE major contributors to my sons stunted development. With a LOT of strict changes in diet and some homeopathy, our son can heal, but not with traditional medicine.

This is so hard for me. I hate sounding like a whiner, but I'm going to whine, so feel free to skip this paragraph.  WHY ME!? God isn't supposed to give us anything He doesn't believe we can handle, but like the great Mother Teresa, must he believe me to be so strong? Other parents have dealt with this, I know I'm not alone. But other parents don't deal with this and have NO CLUE how hard it is... I can't take my kids to fast food anymore, I can't take my kids to just any grocery store shelf and say "What do you want?" And recipes... let me tell you, we lack creativity already when it comes to food so this whole diet thing is getting pretty bland. I already disliked being in the kitchen before, so having to be more creative in there now WEARS ME OUT! And the expense... You've heard teachers don't receive the greatest pay, well Nate is still only making about half that... According to the income scale, we are poverty level. So putting even more of our budget toward special foods in NOT easy. We have to figure out what else to cut out of our already limited life.

After receiving this new knowledge, I wondered if I should continue with the school district's testing at all? Why bother if they were only going to tell me what I already know? Well, I figured, if the government did this to my kid, they owed it to me to help deal with the consequences.

The testing went good, I guess? J was very willing to participate but it wasn't exactly what I had anticipated. I expected the tests to be a bit more thorough in identifying specific knowledge and ability. The generality of these tests placed J in the very bottom of everything. I know J is far more capable than those tests revealed and the sweet ladies doing the testing acknowledged as much but, thanks to that government of ours, they were not allowed to deviate from the writing of the tests in any way. To their credit though, because of the crappy testing, we qualify for help.

J will be assigned a speech pathologist and he can attend preschool.

I still intend to have J's hearing and vision tested just to show others that those are not things impeding his development. The people of the school district did not give him label (such as autistic), not yet anyway. I don't know how much we will send him to preschool. Partly it depends how much they will allow me to be there to observe. I am excited to work with the speech pathologist, since I'm sure she will have some ideas on how I can help J learn some of those things he hasn't comprehended before now.


I'm sharing this will all of you because I want you to witness this journey and hopefully avoid some of the same mistakes and consequences. Do your research and make a decision before it's too late.

Seeking diagnosis

Took both J and Sweet P to the doctor's office for the first time since J was 18 months and since Sweet P was 3 months...

Some of you may think I am horrible for not getting them there more regularly but I have my reasons to distrust traditional medicine and we haven't had insurance until just this year.

Thankfully the doctor said the strange bump on Sweet P's foot is nothing to be worried about, unless it gets bigger, then maybe get it checked again, but it should eventually shrink and disappear on it's own.

However as I discussed with him the different things we were noticing with J's development... The doctor's concern grew and he asked a lot of questions... Eventually he came down to two possibilities.

One, it could all just be hearing related.
Two, it could be autism.

I shudder.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm almost hoping that it is just a hearing issue, I think that would be easier for me to handle... We go in tomorrow for an hour long speech assessment and to schedule a hearing test.

But what if it isn't his hearing?

I decided to look up autism as soon as the munchkins were in bed tonight...
Here's some of my discovery:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002494/
Says:

Symptoms
Most parents of autistic children suspect that something is wrong by the time the child is 18 months old and seek help by the time the child is age 2. Children with autism typically have difficulties in:

Pretend play
Social interactions
Verbal and nonverbal communication

Some children with autism appear normal before age 1 or 2 and then suddenly "regress" and lose language or social skills they had previously gained. This is called the regressive type of autism.

People with autism may:

Be overly sensitive in sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste (for example, they may refuse to wear "itchy" clothes and become distressed if they are forced to wear the clothes)

Have unusual distress when routines are changed

Perform repeated body movements

Show unusual attachments to objects

The symptoms may vary from moderate to severe.

Communication problems may include:

Cannot start or maintain a social conversation

Communicates with gestures instead of words

Develops language slowly or not at all

Does not adjust gaze to look at objects that others are looking at

Does not refer to self correctly (for example, says "you want water" when the child means "I want water")

Does not point to direct others' attention to objects (occurs in the first 14 months of life)

Repeats words or memorized passages, such as commercials

Social interaction:

Does not make friends

Does not play interactive games

Is withdrawn

May not respond to eye contact or smiles, or may avoid eye contact

May treat others as if they are objects

Prefers to spend time alone, rather than with others

Shows a lack of empathy

Response to sensory information:

Does not startle at loud noises

Has heightened or low senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste

May find normal noises painful and hold hands over ears

May withdraw from physical contact because it is overstimulating or overwhelming

Rubs surfaces, mouths or licks objects

Seems to have a heightened or low response to pain

Play:

Doesn't imitate the actions of others

Prefers solitary or ritualistic play

Shows little pretend or imaginative play

Behaviors

"Acts up" with intense tantrums

Gets stuck on a single topic or task (perseveration)

Has a short attention span

Has very narrow interests

Is overactive or very passive

Shows aggression to others or self

Shows a strong need for sameness

Uses repetitive body movements

The things I have highlighted are things that stand out about J, but even some of those barely... To me some of these things seem typical for a 4 yr. old or I can remember doing things when I was even older.

Where I have highlighted mentions of sensitivity to hearing... We live next to the train and J LOVES it. He rarely puts his hands on his ears in his excitement to point and jabber about what he is seeing. But in other cases such as having the blender or the vacuum turned on, he will cover his ears and act worried. I remember being sensitive to the sudden loudness by comparison, when I was younger I would run from the vacuum or cover my ears while mom ran the blender and banged about the kitchen.

Unusual distress: It usually isn't that he is angry or against the idea of activities changing. He LOVES to go new places and will get SO excited. He will get whiny when we can't getting ready to leave fast enough and his anxiety overwhelms me. Just how abnormal is that though? Don't a lot of kids get excited about going out?

Attachment to objects: AGAIN, I think "Don't a lot of young children do this?" Occasionally J will have one toy that is his favorite and he wants to take it everywhere... But it doesn't usually turn into a major fit, momentary is sadness is forgotten when we move on to the next activity.

Maintain a social conversation: J can hold up his end! He will talk a blue-streak, though you may understand very few actual words out of his excited jabber. And if you ask him a question he may not answer it or you may not understand the answer. He has gotten better at this but still not great. 

Gestures instead of words: J can sometimes do this but it seems to me he is usually acting out the behavior of his baby brother and if we ask him to use his words, he can clearly and nicely say what he needs or wants, maybe requiring a little coaching.

Develops language slowly: This is, of course, the biggest concern that has brought me to think that some how I need help with J. Lately he is learning more and more words and I can catch more of what he is trying to jabber about but others rarely catch it because their ears are not familiar with his sound. And compared with others his age he still has a ways to go. He can count to three, but he doesn't recognize any letters.

Refer to self: For the longest time J would say "You" instead of "I." but recently he has changed that and said "I" or on the rare occasion he may say his own name to refer to himself.

Repeats words: This is perplexing... I mean, if his language is developing, don't I want him to repeat what I say? Isn't he supposed to try out the words for himself? He doesn't memorize a whole script to repeat later, but for example, today he started repeating the doctor (very clearly, I might add!)  as the doctor was talking to him and the doctor pointed it out as an example of something that wasn't normal.

Interactive games: J just doesn't seem to comprehend complex rules or taking turns. I have sincerely tried, when we have been out with other children, but really if the other child and parent will not insist on waiting, taking turns, J will run all over them. Toss the ball back and forth? No. Take the ball and play keep away....

At home with his baby brother he has started playing a game where they take turns chasing each other back and forth (I recently posted a video of this) and it wasn't something I taught them, they just do it... So is it something he just needs more experience with?

May treat others as if they are objects: Shows a lack of empathy: Shows aggression to others or self

Again this seems inconsistent, J can seem aggressive, he has been known to swing his arms around and end up knocking other children and show no sorrow when they cry. He lacks the concept of personal space or belongings. He will get very close, but he will make and maintain eye contact. It doesn't matter to him if you are uncomfortable with him climbing in your lap or going through your purse...

In some cases he is super possessive of his toys, yanking them from baby brother and hurting Sweet  P in the act. Years ago J would throw his head when we told him no, as a way of throwing a tantrum but our therapist said to put him in time out in his bed so he couldn't hurt himself too badly, and otherwise ignore it (because giving it attention was a reward). A little after that, the behavior stopped.

With his baby brother he has gotten better, asking "You okay?" or coming to me when he can hear Sweet P crying in his crib and be all concerned that I should go take care of Sweet P. So again, is it just a matter of time and more experience?

Rubs surfaces, mouths or licks objects

This one drives me crazy sometimes... J will put things in his mouth. Toys, magnets, blankets, it seems like everything he has ever held has been in his mouth. There is a stage where this is normal in child development and I have to admit: I remember being 8 years old and chewing on my pens or the neck of my t-shirts, etc... So, when does it go from a bad habit to a sign of autism? Maybe I have autism...

Gets stuck on a single topic: short attention span: narrow interests: overactive:

This is where issues I think are prevalent. J was go on unendingly about the train, Christmas, if you want him to talk about something specific he might say a few words and go right back to whatever is most fascinating to him.
He can do things for really long periods of time, watching a movie, playing with Duplo's, but if there are a lot of distractions/people around it is very hard for him to stick to a task. J has narrow interests but I'm not sure how much, again, that has to do with a lack of variety and experience he has had being only 4 yrs. old.


Hopefully we find out more tomorrow.

Crafty

Do you do this?

...It is about this point, halfway through the pregnancy that I start to feel the count down and I start "nesting".... Running around to have everything I need/want in order before new baby arrives...

Today I began going through some of my craft boxes to actually use the materials for the purposes I purchased or other wise received them... I don't know if any of you do this either, but I am often around when other people are sorting and will gladly accept charity if there are ways I can think to use what they are getting rid of...

So, this is what I accomplished in between caring for and picking up after the kids and generally being pregnant:

I had purchased the small black magnets because we are always putting things on the fridge or the front door but by themselves the magnets are small and easily swallowed, or possible a choking hazard, depending on the age of the child. Around my house there are a few things I love to decorate with:
Orange, purple, horses and butterflies.

So I took out my hot-glue-gun and shot the magnets and attached these molded, dried, and painted play-dough butterflies and other horse shaped beads.

I didn't have enough butterflies and horses to use all the magnets today so I have about 13 more magnet creations to come up with...

It may seem sort of silly, I don't think of myself as an especially knowledgable person when it comes to technology, but I had fun guiding a friend in need through the process of using Google Docs to upload and edit a resume. One of the great things about Google Docs is that it's free. Also, it allows options to save in formats that some other programs don't offer. It is pretty basic in some ways, but I find it to be user friendly after a little exploration. If you are one of those people that likes free and likes something for a little more complex formatting I suggest OpenOffice. Also great.

New Years Day

Today was a good day.
I think we have started a new tradition. We invited as many people as we could to our house for games and snacks. We stocked up on a bunch of clearance christmas candy, chocolate chip cookies, some chips and salsa, root beer, grape juice and apple juice.

At the beginning it was a little slow, apparently people stayed up late the night before... (I wonder why?!) We had one person here, our sweet neighbor, Heather, at 1pm, with a bottle of Martinelle's, and while we could have started a game we were having a good time just talking, then around 2:30 the crowd showed up.

Ron and Analane from our ward showed up with a meat, cheese, and crackers tray, which was very sweet, since I hadn't asked any one to bring food! My Aunt Sue and Uncle John with cards for playing "Hand and Foot," and Nate's family, including his mom, and 4 of his siblings, who also brought a few games which we also didn't get to.

We managed to fit 9 people around the table for a good game of the Disney version "Apples-to-Apples" to warm things up (I won). After that we played a few rounds of Phase 10. It takes a while to get to the end of that game and unfortunately people needed to leave before a victor could be sorted out (I was losing anyway so I'm not very heartbroken).

The younger kids played a game of "Life" for a while and then Nate turned on the Nintendo 64: Smash Bros. game. The room became quite uproarious as the kids discovered the delight of kicking booty and hollering about injustice and vengeance.

It was a great beginning to the new year and I was too busy enjoying the company and the food to take pictures of all the people... But here is my fine work of art in the arch way between the dining and living areas: It took me an hour and 1/2 to inflate the balloons and tie/tape it up.

Oh yeah, my new years resolution: Love every minute.